Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Bm the constant note

I want to play a game
You'll have to do this with me
I want juice
Do you know how to play spyder
Can I come with you
Aren't we all eating together?
Big, doey, brown eyes

Last night my daughter did everything in her power to say she needed time with me without just coming out and saying she needed my attention
I put her off
I promised her that today (my day off) she could teach me how to play her game and we'd find a better way to put the patches on her vest but right then, I had some last minute things to do and then it was going to be 9 and I was ready to just sit.

She didn't really need to do the things she was asking
She needed some attention
I think Father's day is hard for her
She loves my husband very much but in some ways she's still trying to figure him out
I know she thinks if she loves him too much, her brothers will be mad
And she loves her brothers too
So what's a girl to do?
SAY HOW SHE FEELS AND LET THE OTHERS DEAL WITH THEIR OWN DANG FEELINGS that's what I say...but I can't even do that all the time.

Then there's her bio father
it probably didnt help any that my pants pocket called him on Friday so he called back
(probably freaked him out because my number hasn't called his number in well over 3 years)

She just wants to love and be loved
me too
and when I wasn't, I got a little testy with her
I got snippy with her ...the one person who was trying to give me what I wanted
sigh

I was able to tell HER how she made me feel and why
but that's really not what she needed right then

I realized it about 15 minutes after we all went to bed
After I tried to gingerly say to my hub I ate the cheese because you sat in your chair
It hit me...she needs to feel like she belongs
I'm the only one she "technically" belongs to and sometimes the boys let her know that
maybe a bit of attachment disorder going on there
so I got up...shuffled down the hall in the dark, tapped on her door and told her I'm sorry for not listening when she needed my attention
I'm sorry I missed all of her cues
maybe next time she just needs to say "mom, I need some attention!"
we both giggled,
hugged
and I was walking out the door she said
Thank you

long, comfortable, sigh :)

2 comments:

e's mama said...

so you're saying that the 342 times my child asked me to play within 2 hours will merely transform itself into 173 times when he's older? ;) i'll take that over hearing GO AWAY 173 times.

Babs said...

yeah
and the kicker...this is my 30 days to do what my kids want because my kids want to!