Thursday, April 3, 2014

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take... but by the moments that take our breath away.

Where has the time gone? It's April 3rd again and I've been collecting thoughts for this year's addition to posts about my daughter's birth story; I always get choked up mid-way, right around 
Then I heard her...UBER cool nurse... "What do you MEAN they almost DIED ?!?! She was FINE when I left!"
Yup, I just read it again and lost my breath for a second. 

It wasn't hard to find a theme this year. She took my breath away again just a few months ago; stopped me dead in my tracks and left me speechless.

Bryanah turns 16 today. She is an ever-changing, ever-evolving, super-focused, powerful being. And she always has been. From the moment she was born she was fixed on the object of her focus. I smile when I recall my best friend at the time handing Bry back to me in the hospital after only holding her for a second; not because she was squirming and crying, but because her stare was so intense she couldn't help but think Bry was peering right into her soul with wise eyes.
She did have wise eyes, and she studied every person who held her ...right after she was born... I remember holding my breath in prayer hoping I was strong enough to be the mamma she needed and had the wisdom to teach her the things she'd need to know for the big things ahead of her... all as her birth dad lay snoring in a haze on the chair in the corner.


When she was 2, she took my face into her hands, looked me directly in the eyes, and told me I was beautiful. She meant it...and she knew I didn't believe it because she'd follow it up by grabbing my chin with BOTH hands saying, "I mean it!"

I've had this picture in our house for years and it's only recently that I even see myself as beautiful in this shot. 


She is powerful beyond measure. Maybe it is the years of watching the PowerPuff girls win out over MoJo JoJo, but her fearlessness is an inspiration to ME. When she knows she is right, she's unstoppable. Granted, this superpower is still in the honing phases so sometimes she comes across as immovable. Lucky for me, my superpower-in-training is patience, so we work on our traits together ;)

At 12, she called a local community theater and set up an audition for a production of Annie; be-bopped out of her room and said, "I have to be at XYZ Theatre on such-and-such day for my audition."  

Ultimately, she wasn't cast in that production but she was proud of herself every step of the way from the first round auditions where she "knocked it out of the park," to the week after call backs where the call never came and the cast list went up. 

She's never looked back. That can be scary for a mom... lot's of opportunities to catch my breath and just breathe.

This year she was cast in the musical "Crazy for You" and worked harder than we've ever seen her work for a production. This is a dance heavy show, mostly tap, and she rehearsed 24-7;  after seeing the show, my husband and son joked how they recognized several dance step combinations from her traversing through the house en tap.

I really didn't know anything about this show...sure, I'm familiar with some of the tunes but I did my best to avoid any rehearsals or offer any volunteer time that would give me a sneak peek before the show opened.
We purchased tickets for the Friday night show and I volunteered in the snack bar the night before. We finished cleaning up just as the curtain call was starting so I thought I'd sneak in for the bows. 

I opened the door just in time to see the follies with her center stage, eyes-wide, smile beaming, tapping her heart out...beautifully.
I.Could.Not BREATHE.
In that very moment every sense of love, and pride, and excitement and, and ... well when you slip into the Limbic part of your brain all words go away and you just swim in feelings so I'll stop trying to describe it...
I felt so many feels they leaked out my eye

I had to remind myself to Breathe.

We went back Friday night, as a family...Papi, Reed, Nana, me, Gramma Judy and Aunt Lee. And we all agree...absolutely stunning and just plain so very far you've come in your journey...the one you've set out for yourself. And how fortunate are we the ones who get to see it unfold.

We have our moments and our miffies and our grumbles...I'd worry if we didn't...but at the end of every day

I am so proud
You, Bry, are so beautiful
In your first 16 years around the sun, you are who you set out to be and the Universe has conspired for your good and I am so very honored to be your mama :)