Lessons from the mat

The best thing I did for myself in 2011 was get back on my mat.

faith like a child

Yoga is my favorite form of everything: physical movement, emotional release, mental training, personal satisfaction, personal growth, sharing and receiving. Yoga completes me.

I have increased my personal practice and, by the grace and flow of all that is right in the Universe, I am teaching again...taking my sense of honoring my being and purpose to a whole new level.

Today's lesson from the mat came during the practice of my life, rather than the practice of asana.
I decided to put a bit of "poetry" on my mat. My hub got a new mat for Christmas so we had one to spare where I could try the medium (permanent marker) and my technique (my own handwriting).
I measured, I spaced out my words, I picked the right colors, measured again, counted letters per line, taped, and measured again just to be sure...and then I put pen to mat.

This is the year. My year. 

I will dream big, grow ideas and take leaps of faith. I will do yoga everyday.

I will rest when I'm tired. I will run, jump and play when I need to be re-energized. 

I will continue to open my heart, lead from that place and allow it to be my guiding force. 

I will get grounded when I feel uprooted and expansive when I feel stuck. 

I will nurture myself with nature in a way that supports my health and energy. 

I will embrace the dark times with love and gentle grace, enjoy and rejoice the bright times with love and laughter, and do my best to be grateful for both. I will say yes more and soften my face. 

I will let others in without losing myself. I will drink deeply from the well and offer back freely and fully. 

I will forgive those who've hurt me and I will forgive myself. I will speak my truth out loud and often. 

I will look for the good in others and in myself. I will dance. I will sparkle. I will cry freely. 

I will revel. I will fly. I will sit quietly. I will live out loud. I will laugh. I will teach and I will learn. 

I will allow myself to be as I am.

It only took a few lines in for me to have a write-o (I wasn't typing...couldn't be a typo)
It gnawed at me
I brooded
I furrowed my brow
I sighed...and not a relaxing let everything that no longer serves you go kind of sigh...
Then I kept going
and had another
The first one obviously still eating at an edge of a thought somewhere...
And then came the lesson, my practice is about accepting where I am and understanding that while I'll never be perfect, in the same breath I already am perfect.
Perhaps it wasn't a write-o but a riiight...ohhhh!

Now, I still haven't competed the entire mat
In my self-ed-ness, I am still wrestling with whether or not the error, which would line up with my drishti in downward facing dog, will be a humble reminder of my not perfect/perfect revelation in a positive way, or in a negative way...
So for now, I haven't thrown it away...as I threatened to do through furrowed brow
But I know today, I cannot work on it any more.
It's a process
Like me
Like my practice

Good lesson, mat!
"

I Heard An Owl

Worth a Repeat

It was lil b's birthday yesterday...she's 13 now (geesh) so of course as we enter this next phase in her life...the birth of who she will become on her own two feet...I thought about the first day I saw her little feet...

GIANT RESET BUTTON (repost)

Bm's birth-day came to mind today
She IS going to be 12 soon and yet I still hold the events of her birth so vividly in my mind.
They were actually quite traumatic
But when I recount them, as I did this morning in the office as we chatted around the time clock waiting for the digits to flip to :00, they didn't sound 'bad'... there was actually inspiration there.

On Bm's birth-day... Sam pushed the reset button.

My original due date was March 17th
Later on in my pregnancy my due date was bumped to March 23rd
Bm (B minor...incase you're wondering) was born April 3rd so needless to say...I was TO TERM and then some when she was born. I remember my belly being squared off and being able to clearly distinguish her body parts as she attempted what looked like an 'alienesque' birth.

Honestly, at this point in time...all the way up to her actual birth, everyone thought SHE was a HE so the gender specificity in my story is colored.

My last visit with the doctor was Thursday, April 2nd. My induction had been scheduled for 7:30 Friday morning, but she wanted one last chance to have labor begin naturally and stripped my membrane.
At the time, my partner and I were wholesaling scented candles and I had an order of 350 to get lableled, dressed, and out the door by 3:30 that afternoon. I remember the client's 'awooga' eyes at the size of my belly AND the fact that I, not my partner, was making the delivery. (Such was life in 1998)

I'm sure I ate dinner at some point in time but my next memory is the decision to take a shower after ER (funny, a lot of major happenings in the first 8 months of my daughter's life have an ER connection...Thursday must be my day...but that's another posting) and try to get some sleep before heading to the hospital. I was pretty sure labor had started, but I had a 'false alarm' at 6 months, so I was reticent to say anything because everything up until then was bearable and I remember the constant reminder from my lamaze coach that it was "better to wait at home than in the hospital." (she obviously didn't live in my house)

I laid down to 'sleep' around 11:30.
Heh heh...yeah right
At 1:00am I rolled over and said "I think we should just go to the hospital"

I checked in around 2:30am
I was 5 cm along and progressing nicely
I didn't want any meds unless it was absolutely necessary and my breathing was helping me through my contractions just fine.

• 3:30 am - smooth sailing
• 4:30 am - I'm good at this...excited for baby
• 5:30 am - our uber awesome nurse checks in and lets me know we're doing fine, asks if I need meds to which I give a hearty "No Thank You"
• 6:30 am - feeling fine and uber nurse lets us know her shift is over but she'll be back at 5:30 that evening to meet the new baby ~smile~
• 7:00 am - We meet the new nurse. Following doctors orders, she enters with a GIANT crochet needle and attempts to break my water...to no avail. "Okay, we'll try again later."
• 7:30 am - In comes the nurse, and a physician's assistant...crochet needle again, fail. "We'll be back in a few minutes to change your IV."
• 7:45 am - they induce me

Did you read that? I've probably been in labor for over 12 hours and THEY INDUCED ME...didn't say anything, just looked at my chart, saw the orders and did it...

By 8:30am I definitely knew I was in labor.
Contractions coming faster now
Nurse says I'm making good progress...another push to the IV

9:00am
holy cow
umm...remember that pain med I said I didn't want? I think I want some now
IV push...okay, that's a little better

9:30am
contractions coming hard and fast now..."just breathe it out, they come in waves...make it throught the peak and it's smooth sailing down from there"...my lamaze coach didn't mention pitocin!
IV push...better now

9:45am
When is this wave gonna end? Where is the down hill?
I need more pain meds please?
"I'm sorry you can only have them once every 1/2 hr"
OMG!!!!

It went along this way for another hour...
10:45 am
PAIN MEDS PLEASE
11:00am
IV PUSH...better

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Alarm
"ma'am you need to roll over on your side...ma'am... MA'AAM!"
"Sir, you need to get your wife to roll over on her side!"
"She's not my wife"
"Sir!"

at 11:02am my baby's heart rate stopped
I remember hearing the bells and whistles
I remember being pushed over on my side
I remember my partner saying "you have to wake her up to ask her"
and I remember someone saying "Call the NICU"

some time later, I'm not sure when
a kind face on a tall man told me I had nothing to worry about
"You'll have to start all over, but you and the baby are fine"

I didn't really know what he was talking about, I just knew I felt groggy and tired and my partner was passed out on the chair next to my bed...so I slept.

I woke up around 5:00 that night with the need to poop (hey it's my blog and I talk about poop when I want to)... "Can I use the bathroom"
"no, not right now, just go in the bed"

"eww...no thanks"

"I think I need to push"
"Oh no ma'am, don't push yet...we don't have the stirrups ready. And ma'am, please wait for us to TELL you to push. We'll have to be sure to suction the baby once the head has cleared the birth canal"

Whatever...I slid my legs back and 'adjusted' myself
I guess I pushed...oops (okay this is a hindsight observation too because I didn't mean to push, and I didn't realize I had)

Okay ma'am, you can push
And then there was a wriggling, squirming, slippery baby on my belly
I couldn't even hold her I was so doped up

5:30pm
My baby is whisked away for apgar testing and I'm getting "cleaned up" to move to my post delivery room
"gee ma'am, with as easily as you pushed that baby out I'm sure glad they didn't have to cut you"

"cut me," I thought, but I just smiled and nodded..."me too."

Then I heard her...UBER cool nurse... "What do you MEAN they almost DIED ?!?! She was FINE when I left!"

She came in the room, smiled at me, rubbed the hair off my face and told the other attending to leave, she would be taking care of me now...

There were lots of other little foibles along the way after that...
the partner who came back to the hospital fall down drunk with a football for the baby...
the scratches on my baby's head from the giant crochet needle...
the lactation specialist who told my kid "okay baby, swallow or choke" as she force fed her with a cup...
and the fact that I had to drive myself home...

But at the time, none of that mattered
I was able to stay in the hospital 3 whole days and I DID, because otherwise...I'd just pick up where I left off.

I drove myself home from the hospital...my partner didn't have a valid license at the time so he sat in the back with the baby...even AFTER they told me not to drive for a few days...I drove a BEASTOFAVAN through spring break traffic first to piccadilly...cause I knew there'd be no good food at home...then home.

I eventually ended up taking the baby and stepping out to a new life
yeah, I made that decision after watching ER one night on the opposite side of the couch as my partner...(see I told you there was a connection)

I struggled with that decision for a long time
Somewhere in the midst of everything I found my faith again
finding your faith is not a fun thing when you're an unwed mother...and I 'should've known better"...after all I was 26 years old.
I read my bible and listened to Ron Hutchcraft pretty regularly those days...he taught me the verse in Malachai that said children need to grow up in the love they were created out of...
so I tried
and I tried
and tried and tried and tried
to find a way to save myself, and keep a relationship with him
Because my child needed it...

Quite a few years later I realized that she IS growing up in the love she was created from
she's growing up with me.
Her conception was anything but romatic
Her gestation was OUR time (hers and mine)
Her birth...was our salvation moment
and her life since then...has been void of him...he's a silent partner with no controlling assets.

I don't have her pictures from the hospital
I don't have her tiny feet prints or hand prints
that all got lost in the shuffle...

at 11:02am on Friday April 3, 1998
Sam pushed the Reset Button
She was too important

WE were too important to what the Universe has in store for human kind to not be a part of it

Our lives took a very drastic turn in that very moment

We died...and came back as something new, with a purpose.

See...maybe I really CAN be fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara I could save the World!

The Blog's New Clothes - - and afternoon showers

A rainy afternoon called for an afternoon movie from the netflix queue
I picked a documentary of course, because we'd already watched a musical and because I was the only one watching.
I loved this one
I really did
There is a revolution rumbling and the conversation does start now (as the movie's final screen declares).
Anne Rice spoke out
Jim and Tammy Faye's offspring is revolutionizing
and I like what they're all saying
we should call ourselves Christ-likes instead of Christians...then we really can remember what (who) we're supposed to be like.<--that's a paraphrase of a Bill Maher quote from the movie.

The blog got new clothes yesterday
while I loved my former template it was a bit too emily the strange for spring time
and of course today...it rained stormed all day long.
Bigscarytreeknockingdownrain
so spring must be springing soon :)

I've got two chapters of my book outlined and a third in my head
which is probably why this blog post is so disjointed
but that's okay
I only sat down to write
and write I did
whether or not it makes sense makes no matter at all

oh...and if you haven't seen the movie, you can instant stream it
watch it
it's good

I want a confession booth!

God of the great BIG and the very little

Yesterday, my 12 year old daughter got in the car and said, "My phone had been accidentally or purposefully taken."

My daughter has a G2. Her phone is fancier and schmancier than mine because we got a buy one get one deal when my hub upgraded to a MyTouch 4G (yes, that's fancier and schmancier than mine as well but I digress...)

She wasn't in tears when she told me.
She factually recounted the events.
Explained the school's policy for reporting lost/stolen items.
...and quietly awaited my response.

I didn't grill her
I didn't yell
I didn't even sigh (even I was amazed at that)
I was rather 'matter-of-fact' in my tone but my kids have learned that's not a judgement, that's just the way it is.
I called our carrier and suspended her services...just in case... and inquired about replacement cost for the phone under our current insurance policy, "$130.00 ma'am."

Exhale.

me: "I'm not angry"
lil b: "I AM!"
me: "I mean I'm not angry with you, I'm not happy with the situation but not with you"
lil b: "I know"
me: "Replacing the phone will cost $130.00. We have 60 days to make the insurance claim. For now, we'll wait and see if someone turns it in or if someone inadvertantly picked it up with their gym clothes. If its not returned, we'll get a new sim card for your old phone and discuss options for replacing this one."
lil b: "ok"
me: "...and we definitely can pray...that it be returned, that the person who has it realizes their mistake, or that the person who winds up with it really needed it more than we do"

That was it
I didn't lecture
I didn't stew
I didn't remind her to be more responsible
or any other thing that parents do

Two months ago we had another scenario where I mentioned "talking to God" about it.
She very matter of factly said, "God doesn't answer me when I pray, not like He does you, Mom."
*lump in throat*
the God-doesn't-answer-prayers conversation.
and she cut me off
"yeah yeah I know...sometimes He answers in ways we don't recognize and sometimes he just says no"

We haven't had a home church in about a year.
Our kids weren't being fed as kids where we were most in synch spiritually...and so began the story of church hopping. Mom fits in anywhere...that's just me...but when you're a teenager, well not so easy...and when you're a watcher/quiet/reserved one like my hub...well not so easy there either.
Lil B mentioned that. My kids practially GREW UP in the church from ages 5 to 10.  I worked there, I ran several evening programs, everyone knew them it just seemed natural...and then
*cricket, cricket*

So we still don't have a home church
but even before lil b mentioned our lack of tangible spiritual practice I had decided it was time for me to start going again. Even if no one else went with me, even if it didn't synch with me spiritually, I needed the discipline of going.
And so I went
And so did she
And the hub came once two
(and it's only been 3 weeks)

Yesterday a $400+ phone went missing
I suggested we pray

We went on with our day
shared a family meal at Tijuana Flats for Taco Tuesdaze (which everyone should do)
and my hub's phone rang
"My husband works for insert-name-of-school-here and found a phone. I found your number in it and called to let you know we have it"
HALLELUJAH!
The blessing before the meal included praise and thanksgiving on all counts.
And dinner conversation revolved around how awesome it was that the people called to tell us and planned to return it. It didn't matter what happened to the phone between 10:30am and 7:30pm on 2/22, what mattered is that God answered a prayer.

More than one :)
Mine AND hers
and mine wasn't about the phone!

We sent a thank you note with a small token of our appreciation.
My thanks were for the action that allowed my daughter to see that God has her in his sights!
Amen

Go Ahead, Shake my Day

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines faith as a firm belief in something for which there is no proof; something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially: a system of religious beliefs. I believe faith steps in where logic creates a chasm. By default I am a thinker and prefer things to be logical, or at least appear so. When I can find no further logical explanation I take that leap with faith. Admittedly, my struggles with the concept of faith started at a very young age; I recognized that my family practiced religion but was hard pressed to find examples of our faith in action. By the age of twelve I had come to the decision that religion, at least that of my family of origin, was not for me and began my quest for something deeper. This did not bode well with those around me at all. I was raised in a parochial school in a family that had close-knit ties to the congregation and my questioning was seen as the highest form of disrespect, a tough pill to swallow at the tender age of twelve.

My journey would eventually lead me through many -isms- religious and worldly, forge a deep and true relationship with the Creator, and have me settled in wholeheartedly in my relationship with Christ; it has also at times put me at odds with my family, my friends, and even my fellow Christians. These struggles have at time shaken me to the core but it is through these quakes that I am able to see which of my core beliefs are left standing, and take my next steps.
I believe in a Creator. I believe the universe and everything in it are created to work in harmony for the ultimate purpose of that Creator. I believe that humankind in its struggle to logically define creation in a way that satisfies the thirst for knowledge has posited a myriad of explanations for the universe and how it came to be. From a Bang to Seven Days, none of these explanations can comprehensively explain the universe and all its workings - a chasm that requires a leap of faith. For me, it is through my faith that I am able to come to a more intimate understanding of the world around me. I personally find that scientific reasoning and religious explanation are not mutually exclusive and see God telling us His story through both perspectives. People firmly planted on either side of the creation spectrum disagree with me vehemently, I suppose this makes me an equal opportunity offender, but this is a belief that has stood up to many mini-quakes and survived and one that my Creator continually validates.
The Creation conversation is not the only one that plants me firmly in the middle of heated debate. I wrestle with the Doctrine of Original Sin and the condition of man. The semantics surrounding my daughter’s ceremonial entrance into the church nearly tore my family apart and years later I learned that my mother had her “baptized” because she did not believe the Dedication ceremony was sufficient to guarantee my daughter’s entrance into Heaven if she passed. I know that as a mother, in dedicating my daughter Bryana to God I promised to raise her in the bosom of the church and its beliefs. Then when Bryana is old enough to make those assertions for herself personally, she will make that choice. I do not believe that had she died before she could profess her faith that she would be denied access to Heaven. My religion tells me we are born inherently bad, I believe we live in a world that is bad and that bad is a stronger influence than good. I believe that we have a glowing of the Divine Creator within us and that ember has the power to overcome the evil we are faced with but we have to choose to fan the flames of the Divine. The ember will never go out, but without our attention, it can never grow. Unfortunately, we humans have a short attention span and are easily caught up in the trappings of this world.

I believe the problems we face as a species stem from our need to have a logical explanation for every thing. I do not mean to say that questioning is a negative character trait as I also believe that blindly accepting information as fact is as detrimental as an incessant thirst for proof. Rather, I think we fall short and therefore fall from grace when we feel as though we can find no reconciliation for the conflict in our hearts and minds that we simply stop trying and follow the established routines of our population. While it is true that there are things that we simply do not know, it is also true that as we learn better we should do better -- that requires a choice. Making no choice at all is still in fact a choice and is a behavior that can hurt the believer and non-believer equally. By this I mean that no matter where we stand on the belief fence, we all need to continue growing. To me, the idea that God created the world in seven days, Monday through Sunday, period, is a rather naive view. Archaeological and scientific research has proven that the Earth is billions of years old and was formed over an equally expansive period of time. This is where I apply my leap of faith philosophy; The Bible says God created Heaven and Earth in seven days, science says it took eons, my faith imparts that my concept of a day may not be anything like God’s concept of a day and there is room for both ideas and my heart is at peace with that.

This philosophy, my finding peace over internal conflict through faith has allowed some what could be deemed radical ideas to settle in my bones. My ideas surrounding Creation and Salvation are merely the bookends to my belief system. At this point in my life I know that I have beliefs that do not fit in line with other Christian beliefs. I believe in the “sanctity of all life” which to me is defined as complete inclusivity. I struggle with religions that exclude subsets of humankind. But, as I’ve said, I believe that as we learn better, we can choose to do better and as a species, we are. In Jesus’ time he challenged the Jews to do the unthinkable, to welcome a Gentile, to be inclusive. In the 1960’s Dr. Martin Luther King followed that example and dared to suggest the unthinkable, that we could live harmonious as the human race, regardless of race, and be inclusive. My heart resonates with that teaching of Jesus, that we are called to elevate those we see as the lowest of society and that today that means including and accepting many of those we shun and exclude do to race, sexual orientation and belief system. I believe the solution to our problems is to evolve. Jesus’ teachings and the Word of God is deeper and wider than we will ever completely comprehend while on earth; If we think we have it mastered, we are missing an opportunity to fan the flames of the Divine ember entrusted to us. There are those in my life who call me naive, or accuse me of shaping my faith to match my personal desires; I will continue to press in, to rest in the bosom of my Creator during the quakes that shake up my life and consciously choose to do better as I learn better.

Do what makes you feel good

It's such a simple statement and an oft repeated phrase, "Do what makes you happy..." or "Follow your bliss..." It's probably pretty safe to say that we tend to lean this way in forging our paths of life-works and family-creation, but do we do it in the little things.

I don't.
I don't do it enough anyway.

Just yesterday I plunged my hands in the dirt and started our fall version of our trial and error garden.
We planted mustard and collard greens, crook neck and zucchini squash, thyme, chives, leeks, broccoli, red lettuce and started several seeds including some we harvested from our summer basil.
It felt so good, it SMELLED so good and I joked that although we've had some extreme failures in our garden, we've harvested more than enough produce and herbs to pay for what we put into it...and heck even if we didn't, the zen of the dirt through my fingers is worth what we spend.
Why don't I do that more often?

This weekend we bought a great BPA free carafe with a lid for juice. I haven't juiced in MONTHS. We juiced yesterday (yes we, Bm was there, I ran the juicer and hub steadied the carafe), carrots, pears and apples and it is lucious numminess and such a glorious color. I had some in my fave wine glass (a b-day "spoil yourself regularly" gift from my bff years ago) for breakfast and it FELT so good...I don't have to tell you how it tasted!
Why don't I do that more often?

I actually said that out loud in the presence of my hub...he said "coz cleaning the juicer is a pain in the A" well sorta...but not more than the pleasure I get fromt the juice! Now that we have a carafe that will keep it for a couple of days, I can definitely commit to juicing more often. Perhaps the daily chore seemed too ominous...we'll have to see, check back in month and we'll see how that's going!

But, that at least started a convo between the hub and I. "It's sorta like yoga," I said. " I always feel so amazingly good when I'm done; taller, stronger, more comfortable in my own skin...but I don't take the time to do it.
"Me too," he said, "we really need to try and do that more."

Yes, yes we do
So why don't we (and I'm speaking human race we) do the things that bring us pleasure more often
I function better in all other capacities when I care for myself and treat myself to the things I love so it would only seem LOGICAL...

So I'm continuing my "Today I honor myself..." trend
I started it in another of my blogs and it really helped me remember TO honor myself.
Today I honored myself with delicious juice
I will spend the time it takes to collect water from the rainbarrel (which is much longer than just turning on the hose) basking in the beautiful weather, and I will enjoy my time in the garden...I'll even snap a couple of pictures so you can have updates :)

How will YOU honor yourself today?
(yes...you're supposed to respond ~grin)

National Coming Out for Equality Day

**I did not write this post...I blatantly copied and pasted it from Christine and I think you should too

and so should your friends

and so on and so on and so on...

Did you know?

You can still be fired from your job in most states, simply for being LGBT, and have no legal recourse — because currently, no federal non-discrimination law protects LGBT Americans.
This is unacceptable to me.
More than 86 percent of LGBT students report being verbally harassed — name-calling, threats, etc. — at school.


This is unacceptable to me.


Most people do not realize that the "Defense of Marriage Act" actually denies LGBT Americans more than 1,100 benefits and protections. That includes their entire household. Children.


This is unacceptable to me.


Many, many people do not take the time to know or truly understand what it is like to be LGBT in in this country, and to work and raise a family. Regardless of their religious beliefs, they are uninformed on the details and implications ... the horrific lack of service and compassion and love.


This is unacceptable to me.


For more information, go to the Human Rights Campaign web site, or find your favorite gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual friend ... and just ask them.


Then listen.

What are YOU doing in 2016?

Me? I'm going with my hub to a 5 week residential yoga immersion.

5:30 am - Wake up

6:00 am - Meditation, Nada Yoga, Lecture

8:00 am - Asanas, Pranayama

10:00 am - Brunch

11:00 am - Karma Yoga

12:00 - Personal Studies

2:00 pm - Main Lecture

4:00 pm - Asanas, Pranayama

6:00 pm - Dinner

7:30 pm - Meditation, Nada Yoga, Lecture

 

Vegetarian meals, lodging, beautiful surroundings...and Yoga teacher certification by the end of the experience.

 

Yes, yes we will do this. Hub is on board!

Why 2016?

Well, we'll be on the eve of our 44th year of life

We'll be entering our 12th year of marriage

Our last children will be graduating HS

 

By then we know we will...

No longer need our current jobs

No longer need our current house

Be ready to go on the road full time

 

So...

This 5 weeks will be a transition ceremony for us

An opportunity to honor and shed our past selves

An opportunity to claim and receive our new chapter

An opportunity to cleanse, to reset, to grow as individuals and as a couple

 

And...it's a Goal

a bona fide long term goal

and

I'm excited :)

 

Whose Our is it anyway?

There's a new song on the "positive hits" radio station we listen to when we're not listening to NPR
It's called Our God and the refrain says

Our God is greater, our God is stronger


God You are higher than any other

Our God is Healer, awesome in power

Our God, Our God…

Listening to this got me a bit miffy
It sounds sort of "nanny nanny boo boo" to me

Now, before you commenters get riled up...yes I know this is scriptural
There is no god but God
Actually, this is scriptural in every ancient scripture that exists
ergo...my question
Whose Our is God?
We are a collective OUR, no?

I think I'll name my car "Epiphany" because that is where I have my most profound God moments.
I was reminded of the tower of Babel, where God separated the languages so that we couldn't get too full of ourselves (yes again, I know there are more reasons than this but go with me here).
At Pentecost, everyone heard - in his or her own tongue - the message sent from God...from ONE GOD.

So, as I rode in Epiphany this morning I saw a vision of peoples from all around the world saying "Our God"
And God answering, "Yes, you called?"

Amen

An Ode to Lilith

Yesterday Lilith Fair was in town (okay, in state).
I entertained the idea of making it a Mother-Daughter trip ... then I saw ticket prices and *gulp* decided to make it a Mother-Daughter day instead.

Over the summer we stumbled across a quaint little shop tucked away amongst other quaint little shops in College Park. Beachcomber Bazaar is a funky little shop with all things bangle-y.
(Now you're singing Walk Like an Egyptian...told you it was an Ode to all things Lilith today)

Bm now sports a beautiful butterfly henna tattoo on her foot. It's Curly and Swirly...just like us!  We bought a Bajidoo bangle kit and an extra bangle and decals are looking forward to her workshop in September!
We sang songs with radio back-up, wandered the bookstore, searched for the perfect Mojo Jojo fish and giggled, a lot.
Me thinks a pedicure night is in order :-)

Christianity, Christendom, Churchianity...call it what you will, would Jesus agree with your definition?

...and turns out neither does Anne Rice and she wasn't afraid to say it out loud
Her comments resonated with me...as did Michael Rowe's statement:

Like Rice, our belief in the purity of Christ's teachings has chained us to a body of believers who no longer represent anything of what we believe, and indeed represent the very opposite of what Christ's teachings are. There seems precious little Christ in Christianity as it's understood in America today.

She caught a little flack (Anne did) on my fb page and other places I'm sure after I posted her quote on my wall:

"For those who care," she wrote, "and I understand if you don't: Today I quit being a Christian. I'm out. I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being 'Christian' or to being part of Christianity. It's simply impossible for me to 'belong' to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten years, I've tried. I've failed. I'm an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else."

Some people got it...that she's denouncing what the label "Christian" has come to represent.
Some people didn't and simply see it as another of her vacillations in her belief system in order to sell more books or something...

What's wrong with stating the obvious?
To "Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind even if your voice shakes? (Maggie Kuhn via my bumper sticker)

It's much easier for us to simply say
Oh...she's renouncing her faith because her son is gay
She must be broke so she's renouncing her faith because she wants to write books about darkness again

Much harder to take a look at what she HAS to say and see if it is in anyway applicable
Okay...disagree with her but at least LOOK at what she has to say and why
Can't you see...her statements resonate with the reasons non-believers DON'T believe
A Pastor friend of mine commented on my wall post saying "I stopped being THAT kind of Christian years ago..."

ME TOO
and I think it's time those of us that have got a bit braver about SAYING SO!

Being Disagreeable Works!

How many of you who know me read that title and just said "WHA??!?!?!"
heh heh
I am NOT the disagreeable type
I can honestly say I don't think I've ever been accused of being a curmudgeon
but...I am NOT agreeing during the month of June and its WORKING for me
So much so July looks disagreeable too :)

We practice the Art of Allowing. Which means reaching for the thought that feels best, not the thought that is the real thought, not the thought that is telling it like it is. Telling it like it is only holds you where it is: "Damn it, I'm going to tell it like it is. I'm going to tell it like it is, because everybody wants me to tell it like it is." Tell it like it is if you like it like it is. But if you don't like it like it is, then don't tell it like it is--tell it like you want it to be. If you tell it like you want it to be, long enough, you will begin to feel it like you want it to be, and when you feel it like you want it to be, it be's like you want it to be.

--- Abraham

I choose NOT to agree

For the month of June
I will NOT agree that anyone is a butthead or a jerk or a bitch or a pain in the ass or "insert derogatory word of choice here."
Not only do I choose to abstain from agreeing
I am going to challenge you to change your thinking
Whoever you are
My hub, my best friend, my co-worker, the person in line at the grocery store
Change your thinking, change your life
I believe it's true
Stop thinking your neighbor is a butthead...and they'll stop appearing to be a butthead
The child will not seem like such a pain in the neck if we stop calling him/her a pain in the neck

I'm binding and loosing and I'm hugging...a lot
and you should hug too
So what if you can only start with 2 a day
add one more tomorrow
work your way all the way up to 10 hugs a day
can you do it?
Can you hug your loved ones TEN TIMES A DAY....EACH?
I'm gonna try
And I'm gonna keep telling you to try too
Because it makes a difference
...and change is good :)

Hanging out my shingle...

The Universe has shown me on several occasions just this week that it is time to stop dreaming and just DO.
My goal?
To be recognized and sought after as an esteemed communication and relationship coach in the areas of personal, social and professional relations.

Turns out people recognize this quality in me...and even seek out my skills already so I'm jumpin' in while I work on the "esteemed" part...

So by July 15th I will

• meet with my web designer and outline launch of my website
• make contact with at least 2 potential mentors who can help me create my fee structure
• contact local organizations (churches, community centers, etc.) and book 3 introductory workshops

Ta Da

So let it be written...

So let it be DONE

Trial and Error Gardening: May Update

If you don't know where our garden started...click here and click here to see our humble beginnings...
Unfortunately the eco-friendly pest control we tried on the lawn didn't work, we have more ants than when we started...so I lost that battle...hub gets to pick the next product. I am glad we tried though!

In no particular order...here are update photos from our trial and error container garden.

Don't know if I had bum seeds, or a poor soil mixture but no seedlings emerged :(

These are actually itty bitty strawberries from the strawberry pot you'll see below. They were sour, but the plant is flowering :)

This is the olive tree we planted last year. Somewhere there's a pic of it as a baby, but I can't find the page so I'll add the link later.

Radishes take two. The first pot of radishes was a porcelain pot, the day after they were planted it POURED and the seeds were flooded out...note, it hasn't rained since!

Look closely...there's spinach trying to flex it's muscle

Burgundy Beans

Bush Beans

The rescued Dwarf Banana and it's brother...both doing very well

Honey Berries

Green Onions...they look a little weak to me but they're trying

heh heh...just in case you missed the fennel failure earlier

Green Pepper and Oregano. This is my FAVORITE pot. The peppers are fantastic and I snip the Oregano for dinner daily!

Cubanelles

Patio Tomatoes.
This plant actually looks worse than the original picture. Lost lots of leaves to leaf miners
But the fruit...is FANTASTIC this is a GREAT tomato, very flavorful.
We've harvested a couple of pounds already.

aforementioned strawberry pot

chives...

top hat blueberry

Rosemary (s) the hemispherectomy was a success :)

I'm excited to see the corn barrels successfully producing! Next week I'll thin the stalks to the healthiest specimens

as I mentioned, we've gone weeks without rain so my cilantro bolted...now harvesting coriander and may try to start some from seed. I snapped the picture before I pruned the basil...harvesting seeds from these too because one can NEVER have too much basil!

pole beans!

mint...the other one is still there, just not thriving as much as the one on the left

my 'cut it all the way back and see if it returns' experiment

my new garden cart from the hub :)

Portabello rice bowl

Okay so the pic doesn't look very appetizing but this dish DELICIOUS and made with some ingredients from the yard.

• Basmati (cooked)
• Black beans (drained)
• 3 portabello mushrooms cut in large cubes
• patio tomatoes, gutted and sliced (garden)
• basil leaves (garden)
• oregano leaves (garden)
• 1/2 small wheel of brie
• 2 Tbsp of salted butter
• sprinkled with shredded parmesean

Garden Salsa

This was FANtastic!
All of the main ingredients came from the garden
I added one onion (because ours aren't ready yet)
FRESH is Salsa is the bomb!

Trial and Error Gardening: An Eco-friendly lawn and 55-gallon drum planters

Today was a big day in the yard, Woo!
We made the conscious decision to be Eco friendly in caring for the lawn last year...no more scary pesticides or fertilizers. You know it can't be good when the warning label is longer than the list of ingredients.
We used Eco Smart Organic Insecticide (which smells a lot like wintergreen milk of magnesia) and Scotts Organic Lawn Food. We may have done better had we not shopped at a big box store, but it's a step in the right direction seeing as the stuff the hub used to use was toxic. My goal for this go around was to use products that wouldn't hurt our water supply and wouldn't hurt our puppy...she likes to eat grass and has a very sensitive tummy.
So Eco-Friendly Friends unite! Please pray that this stuff works GREAT on our lawn so the hub is sold on it too!

We started the morning making our list and gathering supplies. I've been saving toilet paper tubes and egg trays for months!

The goal? Plant corn in a container...specifically half a 55-gallon drum.
We got 3 of them from my father-in-law a few years ago. We used them to store camping equipment, we turned one into a rain barrel, and we had 2 failed attempts at compost bins (no holes for aeration...stinky but it did make some good organic matter!

We hosed them off, marked the "middle" with a strap and hub hacked them in two.

I filled them each with a mix of organic potting mix, cow manure and potting soil and turned it all in with a bit of water to feed the seeds...

I sectioned off the barrel with some dowels I had laying around from banners I turned into curtains and used a tp tube to remove a plug of soil for each corn seed.

I planted two half-barrels with 8 sections of Golden Cross Bantam which has a 7 to 10 day germination period. Once the seedlings are about 3 inches tall, I'll add another layer of soil to keep the stalks strong. My goal is for the "block" planting style to aid in self pollination. If that doesn't happen then we'll play some Barry White and shake the stalks on a moonlit night

The next half barrel is home to stringless Blue Lake Pole Beans which have a germination period of 6 to 8 days and can climb up to 6 ft tall. I made a tee-pee trellis (as opposed to the tp tubes used with the corn) with 8-ft Bamboo dowels

In the next half I planted the Bush bean variety of Blue Lake beans. These seedlings should emerge in 7 to 14 days It will be interesting to see if there is a different flavor or texture to the bean. Honestly, I didn't do this on purpose and had I noticed they were both in the same family I may have picked different seeds but, it will be fun to watch the pole beans climb the trellis and both varieties keep well through drying or freezing...I may even try pickling some!

This was another "accidental gardener" incident.
The wheelbarrow broke while transporting all the supplies from the truck so... I turned it into a planter and have 2 rows of Bloomsdale spinach marked with more banner dowels. We LOVE spinach so this is one accident I'm hoping pans out. The seedlings emerge in 8 to 10 days.

Hub noticed the wheelbarrow was propped up on a cinder block and suggested I flip the block so I could use the holes as planters...woot woot! Burgundy beans there. We should start to see them peek through in a about a week. Too bad they don't stay purple when their cooked!

Radishes 4 - 6 day germination period

I finished out the day trying some seeds in left over containers.

Fennel  8 - 12 day germination

Green Onions 8 days to germination

Left: this year's dwarf banana. Right: last year's dwarf banana resurrected

I rescued last year's dwarf banana plant. We thought we had lost it to the un-Florida-like cold we had this year but it was peeking up from under the grass so I transplanted it into a pot and placed it next to a mentor.

And finally...
I planted some mint in my new hanging planter. I'm seeing mojitos in my future!